When you are busy and life is full, the little moments tend to lose themselves in the blur of hours, days and weeks but there are some that stay with you always.
The day of Ted’s Fontan completion is one of those days that I can break up into minutiae. Handing any child over for surgery is daunting but I suppose only a mother in my position can really know the pain we feel when we consent to procedures we know can’t cure our child, we know may kill our child but we have no choice. For the Fontan is but a palliation for kids like Ted. Buying time.
This was that moment for me a year ago today:
And then we had the hours upon hours of waiting. Sitting on the familiar blue chairs outside ICU like we have done too many times before. Fearing the worst while desperately praying, begging for the best. Counting the minutes. Finding anything for a distraction from the dread at the pit of our stomachs.
And then this.
Sadly I know many HLHS mothers who endured days like that but then didn’t have the outstanding outcome we had. They did not have the year of firsts Teddy had. The year of new beginnings. We remember those families every day as well. X